Vibrant Habit #10
I wake up every morning thinking that I am going to learn something new about myself. But it seems that I learn the SAME thing over and over and over. So technically I don’t learn something NEW about myself. More accurately, I’m learning the same thing about myself over and over just in a different way. I just learned that I’m a slow learner. Anyway, every day teaches me that I have very little control over anything or over anyone. This should be a depressing daily lesson, but it’s not, because I am always reminded about what I do have control over! Me!
I remember several years ago when I was going to fly down to Florida from NY with my dad to do a 110 mile run. The night before we were going to fly out a nor'easter hit. Nearly the entire east coast was being hit with snow, wind, and sleet, which brought all travel to a stop. I called the airline and the lady could get us on a flight out the day of my race. I explained to her that I trained for eight muscle-aching months and peed more on the forest trails than in my own toilet to prepare for this race. She asked if I’d like to take the flight out on the day of my race. I explained that people donated money toward the cause I was running for. She asked if I wanted to book the seats before they were gone. I explained, and explained, and explained myself onto the flight that left the day after my race.
Seriously, what was I thinking? That the lady would feel so bad for me that she’d book a private plane for me that would circumvent the storm and get me to Florida so I could… run. I had no control over the weather. I had no control over the travel industry. I had no control over the race day. I flubbed up the only control I did have… control over my own reaction to the situation. Luckily, my dad (who I’m sure was rolling his eyes during my entire phone call with the Delta rep) was wise enough to get us in the car and drive us 30 hours around the storm so I could run. I can assure you that I tried to control every obstacle that came up during that ride. I still don’t know how my dad didn’t leave me on the side of the road in Tennessee. It took me many years beyond that to learn that my control issues were controlling me.
Now, let me introduce you to Stephen Covey’s (author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People) 90–10 principle. This basically states that our life is 10% made of what happens to us and 90% how we react to it. Life is really made up of a series of situations if you think about it. It’s your choice how you want to react to each. Let negative thoughts creep in and your emotions will follow that negative path. Your reaction will likely be negative and thus the outcome will be too. That sorry-ass outcome may just be your next situation.
Let's explore. You’re in a traffic jam and you think, “great, now I’ll be late for the Backstreet Boys concert and I’ll miss the first set!” You react by honking your horn and sneering at the surrounding cars filled with 50-something women wearing Nick Carter t-shirts. You finally get to the concert and after missing the first five songs, you sulk the entire time. You’re rewarded by sitting in a traffic jam in the parking lot for three hours. Rewind. Same traffic jam. Same 50-somethings. You realize you are holding them up from getting to the concert too and you can’t do anything about it. Or can you? You roll down your window and pump up the BSB jams and start grooving. You start a revolution and all the traffic jammers are jamming with you. You get to the concert and your enthusiasm gets you called up on stage where you are serenaded to As Long As You Love Me. When the concert is over, you get invited to the afterparty (consequently missing the parking lot traffic).
Okay, okay. A bit extreme. But, you can make an extreme difference in your life by realizing that the only thing you can truly control is yourself. This is a huge mindset change for most of us so let’s start by taking the first step with this simple vibrant habit… when a situation comes up that causes you worry or anxiety, stop, take a deep breath, and ask yourself, “what can I control?” Most likely you’ll find you can’t control the thing that happen to you. You definitely can’t control other people. But, you can control yourself and how you respond. Just by asking yourself this question will set you up for a much better reaction than if you didn’t. “What can I control?” Four simple words. Then, when you are proud of your reaction you can add the mantra… “I learned that when I try to control everything, I enjoy nothing.”
Oh, and I’d like to apologize to my dad.
